why I'm not going to the ostomy conference this year
for the first time in ten years
For the last 10 years, I’ve been attending the national ostomy conference, an annual event held every other year by the United Ostomy Associations of America. After my first conference in 2015, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of acceptance, finally gaining a family in the community that I had previously been struggling to find my place in.
Ever since then, I have always made it a priority to attend each subsequent conference. No matter what’s going on in my life, my financial situation, or where it is in the country, I’ve always made it a priority to be reunited with my ostomy family every two years.
However, that is all changing this time—for the first time, this year will become the exception. It was definitely a hard decision to make, but for a variety of reasons, I’ve made the difficult choice to sit out of the conference for the first time.
So what led me to make this decision? As you can probably guess, it would’ve had to have been a lot of factors combined to cause me to miss seeing friends who are family that I only see for a few days every other year.
The biggest factor in the decision was the conference’s location, in Orlando, Florida. Listen, Florida is in fact one of my least favorite states, and one of the states I have the least desire to visit. The price of flying across the whole country is just too astronomical to go somewhere I don’t even want to be, if that makes sense. It would be different if it was located somewhere central or even neutrally political as they’ve done in past years, but their lack of resources is definitely reflected in the decision to bring hundreds of dehydration-prone adults to one of the hottest states in the dead of summer. Great decision, guys, I’m sure that won’t result in any disasters. Ultimately, I just can’t justify spending hundreds of dollars to visit a state I have no desire to see.
This, combined with the additional (also outrageous) cost of the hotel, as well as the conference fees (which are up from last time), makes it an unfeasible financial decision, especially with both my husband and I currently in transition between jobs.
Speaking of being in between jobs, this was also a factor in the decision. Earlier in the year, when I was still crunching the numbers on the possibility of attending, I was struck with the fact that I truly don’t know what my job situation would be by the time the conference rolled around. If I did have a job by that time, I would likely have to take time off for the conference, which wouldn’t be easy after just starting a job. Even still, if I did land a teaching job by that time, I assumed I would need to stay around right before the school year starts instead of going out of state.
Remember what I said about having all my friends that I only see every two years at the conference? Well, that is also a factor in my decision not to go. This year, four of my conference friends had babies, so they will not be attending. In addition to that, I’ve heard of at least three other friends who are also unable to attend for other personal or financial reasons. With this, I had to consider the friends that actually would be there: Alyssa of course, who I just saw at my wedding; my friend Eric, who I just saw when he visited Alyssa; my friends Claire and Kate, who I traveled to Colorado with last year; and my friend Keagan, who I saw earlier this year and also lives in California. My other friends like Nate and Bridget live in the states next to California, so I could theoretically visit them if I wanted to.
All this to say, in the case of the majority of my friends, the conference would not be my only chance to see them in the near future, or I already saw them recently enough. With this being the case, as much as I want to see my friends, justifying my trip in order to see said friends was not a good enough reason to justify an entire trip to Florida on the basis of friendship.
Those who have been to the conference or even heard of it might say, what about the young adult track at the conference? The event boasts a “track” designed for and lead by young ostomates, a conference bracket specifically for us to meet and mingle with one another. The main perk is the exclusivity of being around other young ostomates, an incredibly rare opportunity as the majority of ostomates are over the age of 65. Since its inception at the 2015 conference, the young adult track has largely improved over the years, as well as attracting more and more members as time went on.
However, that is sadly no longer the case. Following the 2023 conference, my friend Molly, who had been the leader of young ostomate track for the last several years, made the decision to take a step down after becoming frustrated with leadership. Both my friend Alyssa and I applied to be her replacement, but were automatically disqualified because we were both working for Stealth Belt (an ostomy company) at the time. As a result, the only qualified applicant (if you can even say that), a non-ostomate was chosen as her replacement, which honestly felt like a slap in the face to us young adults.
In particular, this person (who I will not name) has regularly attended conferences (despite, as I said, not having an ostomy), and has consistently mistreated people in the young adult group each year. I have known this person since 2018, and even worked with them professionally, and can honestly cay I cannot think of a worse person to put in charge. She operates on a sense of exclusivity, making others feel alienated with her cliquey, juvenile behavior. Not having an ostomy obviously makes it hard for her to be involved in our group, which also includes newer and more vulnerable ostomates, whom she treats rudely to make herself feel more socially stronger.
Honestly, her being the (default) driver of the ship was the nail in the coffin for me, and I don’t think the conference fees are anywhere near worth witnessing that train wreck unfold. Ultimately, I feel that experience will sour my relationship with the UOAA even more than it already has been in the last few years, and I will not let her ruin it for me.
The last reason is arguably the most important. As I’ve repeatedly spoken about, I’m having surgery finally move my ostomy higher in August. The surgery is actually scheduled for the day before the conference begins, the day I would arrive in Florida. With the surgery being scheduled just days before the conference early registration deadline, this was the final factor that caused me to make the ultimate decision to skip the conference this year. There are still a few factors that need to happen to make sure the surgery takes place (mostly insurance related), and I’m hoping that by repeatedly speaking it into existence and mentally preparing myself for it will actually make it happen.
And so, for all those reasons, I’m not going to the conference this year. Honestly, this may come as a shock to some, especially my close conference friends. Those who know me well know that I go through life without the support of my own family, and have done so through the entirety of my twenties, which is another reason why my UOAA/ostomy community family is so important to me. Some are also aware of my general lack of a social circle outside of the community, meaning that my ostomy family is one of the only constants in my life. They know just how important and transformative this particular group of people and experience has been in my life. With this being the case, a few of my friends who have already heard of my decision have been in disbelief.
Its not that the UOAA is not a priority for me, or no longer a significant fixture of my life. Despite my time as president of my chapter having come to an end, I still serve on national UOAA committees, fighting for advocacy on a national level, and doing it behind the audience of social media. It just comes down to my life circumstances at this time, and the direction things are pulling me towards instead.
At this time in my life, I have had to learn to be very intuitive about what I’m meant to do and the path I’m meant to take, and I just feel as though the conference is just not in those plans. As my friends are mingling at the conference and having their grand reunion, I’ll (hopefully) be recovering from major surgery that will transform my life for the better, and thats exactly what I want for myself. Of course, I am sad to be missing out, and will likely experience severe FOMO as I sit in a hospital bed away from my friends and family.
I will miss dearly my friends, and I’m sad that I won’t have this time with them. However, as weird as it sounds, the fact that many of my friends will also not be attending is comforting, knowing that I’m not the only one who’ll be missing from the group. Taking solace in that, I’ll just hold onto hope that next time, in 2027, circumstances will be different, and I’ll be able to reunite with my family once again.
